Thursday, November 7, 2013

AEDM... DAY 7.... my prayer for Renee

Hello, I have some thankful leaves for you today! Kristin was able to make some finally, she's a busy girl so it's hard to get her sitting down long enough to make them. My dear hubby did quite a few, so thankful for he does them. I love seeing Kristin's in there now, will share a picture of our door being filled up with them tomorrow. Remember you can click on the images to see better. I squeezed to many on my leaf, need to spread them out on to more leaves next time.
Thank you so much for the nice comments yesterday, made me feel better about my page not being quite what I had in mind. This happened again with today's pages too.
I do want to ask you though if your getting to bored seeing this prayer journal everyday? I have never done this before and it's a topic I stay away from on my blog except for the rare occasions. I want this to still be fun for you to come visit. This matter is close to my heart right now but PLEASE HONESTLY LET ME KNOW.  I will also try to add some fun art into the posts soon too. I feel like I'm not sharing enough Thankful posts/thoughts/pictures??? I'm feeling so blessed but not sure I'm expressing it here enough. Feel free to leave me your thoughts in the comments or email me. Thanks!
Now today's prayer page is a tough one, a very new one for me. It didn't come out quite like I wanted, it's messy and not pretty. I wrote and wrote and wrote again, getting all that I had to out and to make some sense of it or see what I should be feeling and praying. I found a lot of verses and chapters to read and kept going until I had to stop or it would take forever and too many pages to get it all.
Today's is about Renee, it's a struggle to put this down in words. I am not good at finding the words when it's this close to me and so much love there and as a mom who can't help her child with a hug or you'll be ok dear, but it feels good to get it out. I can't say how much doing this page helped me, all the scribbling over and over again and could still keep writing. Then I finally read the bible and wrote again and then said "stop" it will have to be enough. Then I listened to "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus.
Why, this song and why this singer. I know we may not be fans of what Miley does now but back 6 years ago this song helped me get thru my days and help heal my heart a little when it comes to Renee. You see that year we found out she has OCD. I don't won't to get into the science of it but thankfully Sonja knew enough to tell us and to get the help she needs. We are still riding that roller coaster and it's better but sooooo far from the BETTER it could be. Anyway that song came out and those words describe what Renee and even myself were going thru. The CLIMB, the struggles, the voice that says you won't make it, the giving up and loosing faith. But it's these moments that will make you strong and the ones you will remember. I played these words over and over back then and I did again today. It's on my playlist and a reminder of where we were and where I hope to be one day.
My plan was to draw mountains and lots of colors then I though about the black days she has and that more days are darker then sunny and happy. How everyday is a struggle and she needs to take ownership over this fight it with all she's got. This isn't pretty and it's hard so the page reflects that, messy and not pretty and many many mountains she has to climb and hope to find the top one day and see that there is light at the end of tunnel. I can see it and I need to help her get there too.
So this page is for her, my dear daughter who came into this world might and strong since day one but gave up so quickly when the OCD happened and gives up a little bit of herself each time it kicks in strong, like a headache that doesn't go away, just sits there so you won't forget it's there.
I didn't want this to be all I say or feel about Renee but having this prayer page and these very chosen prayers will help me to help her I hope. I'm asking for any of you who want to join me to in these prayers for Renee. She needs a glimmer of hope and light to see that she needs to be strong and not take this laying down. She needs to beat it and control, SHE HAS TO DO THIS, NOT ME!! I can be there to give her the tools but she has to take them and use them. So today I am so happy to have these pages and prayers for her and to feel some hope myself that it just might happen this time.
I had to make a pretty page for her too, Renee is all about rainbows and COLOR!! This girl has always liked color in her life and still does. These are the chapters I finally settled on and left the other side blank for now, not sure what I will add there if anything. The two sunshines is something Sienna has been doing and I thought fit this page too. I want this to my blessing/thankful page for Renee too but didn't want to write all over this one. But here is what I'm thankful for...
her singing...hands down is my favorite. She can sing anything and carry a high note so well. I remember the day she started singing Taylor Swift who at the time I didn't want to like and wouldn't play her music too much. Well, I was doing dishes and could hear her singing upstairs and sounded so good. I went up there and it was Taylor Swift and she was belting it out so beautifully and I said Renee you have a great voice and I love when you sing country so I went and bought her cd's and love them so much. I love hearing this girl sing and even in the car yesterday she sang for me per requests and I enjoyed every minute of it. Don't stop singing Renee!
She is my only one who did everything on time according to the books, like that very day she was 4mths. she turned over. 6mths. started crawling. 9mths. started walking. 21/2 potty time. she was so predictable and very into herself and didn't want to be held or bothered with. She could be amused for hours by herself. She stayed this way for a long time and even now with either a book or her ipod she can hide out all day from the world.
Renee is my foodie girl, loves fast food and fried food and has enjoyed food all of her life and stays skinny and doesn't gain much weight, warn her that will change one day and she better watch out.
She is my bookworm, some days she can take out 20 books and read them all in two days, she is picky about reading now which means less reading now. I still remember when she learned to read, oh man she was soooo thrilled and so was I. Love when that light clicks and they get it.
She can speak in many accents, just for fun. I love when she does this, none of us can.
She loves animals and wants to save them all and save the world one day she has said. She is my recycle and save the trees and save the earth girl. So funny. Hates when people litter.
She is most like me I think or used to be. Now I'm too quiet next to her LOUD self. She has freckles on her face now, just a sprinkle of them and I love them. She tells it like it is! She is my birthday queen, always ready for a party and lots of decorations and colors PLEASE!
This all came out because of the good day we had together yesterday. Her singing, her doctor appt. for OCD, her in car driving starts next week, YIKES! and she got a call for a job interview, YAY and she is and me too hoping she gets the job and this will be a fun mountain for her to climb.  A little joy and light into her life maybe. So cross your fingers this week and hope that she will keep smiling.
Thank you for reading this post, sorry it got REAL and personal, but that's what this page is about and I started thinking this could be my way to break the silence for Renee too. We tiptoe around this subject and not everyone knows. It will help me not share the burden and will help me find my way to being here to help her too. THANK YOU !
Tomorrow I'm hoping to have my PL pages to show you for this first week of November! Forgot to order some and now trying to make it work. I also worked on my poster board more, will be cutting it up today and sharing it over the weekend I hope. I love it so far, might save one for me.
Have a wonderful day, HUGS!!
Sam's birthday is in 3 days and he just might get his wish or soon after, YAY! YUCK!


  1. Dear Dawn, such a beautiful post by a loving Mom about her sweet daughter! I've already taken her in my heart, in my prayers.
    Your prayer journal is so inspiring dear friend. I'am so Thankful that you share your prayer pages here. Do continue please with both , your prayer journal and the Thankful leaves.

  2. Thank you for sharing, new insights are wonderful ways to let people "know" you better. I'd love to have coffee some day and hear more about Renee. I will add her to my prayers. Quiet is good sometimes, but sharing can also help so many others. Love and prayers.

  3. Thank you Susan and Barb so much!! HUGS!!

  4. It was actually inspiring to read about Renee. I'm sure that is a huge mountain for her to climb and she must do it every day of her life. It's really sad these birth defects we are burdened with. I hope she knows how much she is loved, as you have shown that love in this post. And I hope she realizes that people want her to succeed, too. I know I do, and I only know her through your words and photos.

  5. Wow, I can not believe this. I wrote you a book of a post and of course the internet ate it. F***. Anyway I am not going to try and re cap it as it was intuitively inspired and now I am pissed so of course the connection is lost BUT just know that your daughter is perfect as she is. She is supported by a loving family full of laughter and compassion and that is all she needs to grow into the well rounded woman that she will become. We are all works in progress. Some days we need to be lifted up on the shoulders of others and some days we are the ones doing the lifting. Keep your thoughts on the positive and KNOW that all is well. You are a great mom, Dawn and that is that. :-)
    much love,

  6. Thanks for your comments on my blog, dawn. As I said in my post these pictures are not really my style, but I do do them occasionally. I do love how you put so much meaning into your work.

  7. Love what Dawn above shared.. it's true.. we are all imperfect.. but with God.. we can move mountains... Since finding a new church here, our lives are so much better.. Love is the answer.. love can move mountains... your daughter is beautiful inside and out in every way. xo

  8. What a beautiful post. I love seeing your prayer journal entries, and this one is especially poignant. Hugs to you and your daughter - you are an awesome mom.

  9. I agree with Bonita!!. With LOVE we can move mountains, and perhaps we could fly too!. LOVE this post, very humbling, I pray that she is blessed with many wonderful things in her life and MORE, despite everything. Dawn, do what your heart feels like, and what makes you happy, follow your heart in doing your art or everyday chores and you will find happiness. I promise!. Sometimes, I'd pinch myself for letting my critical mind taking control but as soon as I let my heart leads, things get to be more enjoyable :). HUGS.